Return to Heart – Thoughts on My Journey Back to Love and Truth

Hometolkien2017-05-23T18:10:08+00:00

In 2011 I began to unravel a story I had held inside for as long as I could remember. A story in which I didn’t deserve love. As I uncovered this belief I came to the realization that I grew up in a dysfunctional family system. The writings posted here are thoughts on my journey back to truth. My intention for this blog is to offer words of comradery to others who trek this painful path. You are not alone.

A Twisted Vine

I used to believe my family was normal. I used to think my sadness was just a chemical imbalance. Turns out, I knew the truth deep down all along...
Self Love and Navigating the Waters of Grief

For those of us who grieve the living – we grieve alone. My family looks lovely from the outside, with thousands of photographs to prove that we are "okay"...
My Enabling Father

I saw my dad for the first time as I sat across the booth from him at an Italian restaurant... I saw him for the coward he is, a man terrified of feeling.
White Flag

"How can you not say ‘Happy Birthday’ to your mother?" I used to be one of those people who judged those who had chosen to walk away...
Bottle Breaker

When I was very young, maybe three or four, my mom asked me to carry some glass bottles up concrete steps leading up to a neighbors house...
A Moment Lost

Once I saw you as my protector, my sanctuary. I felt so safe in your arms long long ago. What changed?
Their Pain

I saw a picture of them recently. My mom, dad, and sister. None of them looked happy. That isn’t to say they didn’t have smiles on their faces, but their eyes were filled with sorrow. “That’s...
Smoke and Mirrors

My dad’s mask was the loudest when it fell. “Spiritual Man” was written on his mask, for that was what he wanted it to say. “Compassionate Father” was written on his mask, for that was what...
Storyteller

Oh how I wish she would see that story, the one that casts the play before her eyes so that her core belief becomes a reality...